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I Identify as a Unicorn

Posted in Culture2 years ago • Written by Defender Of Liberty1 Comment

     I am emboldened by the courage of Bruce Jenner and Rachel Dolezal. Jenner and Dolezal are a couple of heroes of the progressive movement I can support. I have longed for the day in America when gender, race, and sexuality would no longer trap people in a less than satisfying existence. 


One day, I will look like this. This might be my father.
     It is not my genitalia or skin pigmentation or heterosexuality that have held me back; it is my humanness that has trapped me in an oppressive existence and made me a victim of intolerant, insensitive human beings. I have been living a lie because I’m afraid to come out and claim my identity and assert my victimhood. I am no longer afraid to be me! I am a black, homosexual unicorn!
     When I was growing up, I knew I was different. In school during art class, I would use the black crayon to draw myself. I would draw a black unicorn because there are black unicorns despite what society tells us. When I was assigned the task of drawing my parents, I wouldn’t draw human beings I would draw unicorns. I never felt comfortable being around my parents because I did not feel a connection with their whiteness and humanness. My parents’ names are on my “birth certificate,” but there is no proof that they are my parents. I know in my gut that I was kidnapped from my unicorn parents and forced to live with human beings as a human being.
     My first act as a victim will be to reach out to Bruce Jenner’s surgeon to see if he can attach a horn to my forehead. Those butchers I was forced to live with obviously had my horn removed when I was just a baby unicorn. Part of reclaiming my identity will be to start walking on all fours once my surgeon can give me hooves. It is going to be a long, liberating process to reclaim my identity and I’m ready! 
     Once my transformation is complete, I plan on attending the next scheduled gay pride parade. I hope to meet my soulmate at the next parade. I’d love to find someone at the parade who is into black unicorns. Maybe one of the Kardashian sisters can overlook my unicorn-ness and the fact that I am a homosexual; they seem to be up for anything, so why not? If not, there’s always Caitlyn. Call me, Caitlyn! Unicorn lives matter!

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A frustrated conservative who is very concerned that America has entered its twilight years. Dan has a B.A. in political philosophy and an MBA with a concentration in finance. He has an honorable discharge from the United States Navy after serving for several years after graduating from high school. Please share this with liberals and RINOs because there is nothing better than upsetting them. The U.S. is no longer a constitutional republic, but rather an oligarchy. We live in a post constitutional America where competing tribes sell their votes for the promise of freebies. America is on the cusp of being lost to Marxists and their army of bureaucrats unless the American people move outside of their comfort zone and get involved the same way Marxists have gotten involved by infiltrating the political, educational, and bureaucratic systems.

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1 Comment so far. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. bob June 10, 2017 at 12:28 AM - Reply

    Mental disorder like

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